


Even after it all

by natasha_carmen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fame, Friendship, Love, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-19
Updated: 2014-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-26 07:55:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2644106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natasha_carmen/pseuds/natasha_carmen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mitch is a twenty year old failure in her eyes. Her mom died a week ago, she never knew her dad much, no siblings or university degree or friends even, and every guy she'd ever loved had hurt her in the worst ways possible, by lying to her.<br/>Louis had it all in everyone else's eyes. His dream career, all the money her needs, a huge happy family, the four best friends in the world, and an amazing girlfriend.<br/>They share one similarity, a best friend from high school who committed suicide right before graduation. What happens when they meet again after three years?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_This is not the end, I live on through everyone mentioned in this letter. If this was the end I wouldn’t do it, I would’ve convinced myself to live. I would’ve convinced myself that through the rape, through the drugs, the rumours, the hate, everything. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything to stop it, to stop what was eating me up from the inside out and I’m sorry I didn’t try harder, there are five stages of grief and I’m sorry that I didn’t make it through all of them._

_Mom and dad I love you to the moon and back. This isn’t your fault in any way at all. You raised me right and had no control over what happened in my senior year. I didn’t trust you enough to tell you he touched me, I didn’t want to tell you about the drinking and the pressure and the drinking. You had so much to worry about with Jeremy and the cheating incident back home that I didn’t want to add anymore to your plate._

_Jer, hey there little brother. I know you’re only three so you won’t even notice I'm gone or even really remember me. I love you and am so glad I got to see you grow up for even a little amount of time. Stay strong brother, and never mistreat a woman. Mom will bring you up better than that and I know it, your going to go places just remember that. You have so much potential._

_Mitch, you were my best friend since we were three. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you in my life and by my side. I’m so sorry that I had to leave you alone in this world with all the liars and the cheaters. Jared was an asshole, I don’t know what else to tell you about that but I am sorry. I seriously love you girl and you are one of the reasons I stayed around as long as I could._

_Finally Louis, Mitch would really like you. I know we only met two years ago but you were like the brother I never had. You protected me against the world when it felt like it was all going against me. I’m really sorry that I grew this close to you just to pull it all out from under you so soon. We were so good with each other, not in the relationship sense but in the friendship sense and I’m sorry that it had to end especially like this. I put you through so much hell, even if you weren’t completely innocent by not leaving me alone._

_Well I guess to everyone else in my life, some of you were ass holes and others were amazing humans. I’m sure that after a week at most you’ll all get over me, and if you don’t it’ll take less time than that. For those who hurt me, I forgive you and all that I can hope is that you and the ones mentioned in this letter will forgive you one day as well. To those who helped me I am forever indebted to you and I won’t forget that, though you’re all probably going to heaven and I’m ending up in hell._

_I guess this is the final goodbye, so with love for the last time ever, this is, well I guess was, Lila Nelson signing off._

**Mitch**

I threw the letter on my bed. My mom had brought this letter up to me this morning and I’d read it at least three times. How could this really happen? I don’t know what kind of world I would live in now but I had at least always known she was there. My dad died, my mom has cancer, and now she dies? Who do I have now? My cat who hates me? My boyfriend who cheated on me for a year? I hated this, I hated her, I hated myself, I hated the world. 

**Louis**

Oh my god Lil… What did you do? I wanted to punch something and yell at the same time. She was so damn stupid, why did they win? Why would she let them win this one time? God dammit, I thought I was better at this. I thought I had helped her, I thought for once in my life I had shown the teachers wrong. This was just so wrong, she had such a life to live.


	2. Chapter 2

Mitch

I looked at all the people who filed into the church. There was so many, including those assholes  who killed her. I scoffed and my mom glared at me, but I mean they didn’t belong here, they deserved to be dead. Not her. 

Jared came sauntering in the door and gave me a sad smile. I rolled my eyes as my mom elbowed me in the ribs. Why was she using her effort to discipline me? I was doing my job of making the jerks feel unwelcome at my best friends funeral. 

There was kids from the two schools she’d been at, and I was sure the Louis lad from the letter was here too but I had no idea where. I wanted to meet him, thank him in a way. I was across the country when this all happened to her and he was there, he helped, he was one of the driving forces in saving her for a year.

I pulled my legs up and hugged them into my chest It felt so empty right now, it was almost like i I thought my knees would fill the void. I was so stupid, everyone was stupid when they were “depressed” as my mother like to call it.She had been my only friend for most of my life and I felt like half of me was missing, I should’ve saved her, I could’ve saved her. She had showed all the signs but I was blind to it all. 

Suddenly memories of playing in the yard with her and getting injured swung into my brain. I felt the tears sting my eyes but I ignored it. I remembered her laughing so hard that she teared up because of something the stupid popular girls did. The time when Stephanie fell off the pyramid because Jared pinched her sides. That day we got detention for a month because he later blamed it on us. 

And the last day before she moved when we ditched school and went to the lake. She told me she’d never kissed a girl and wanted to kiss me. It was just one kiss but I couldn’t handle it at all right now. It hadn’t meant anything then and it sure as hell didn’t mean anything now but I couldn’t get over it now that she was gone. I was the one she had felt comfortable enough to kiss so intimately.

I silently cursed myself for being so caught up in her memory right now. She was the one who abandoned me, she was the one who left. She was the pussy not me, and I couldn’t help but wish all happy memories could be washed away with anger right now. I didn’t need to remember when she was happy, because that wasn’t how she ended up. She ended up miserable and dead while I was here to remember her happy times.

I scanned the crowd again hoping to see more scum who had showed up pretending to be sad or regretful that she was this way. I wanted the anger to return in my veins just so this god damn sadness would leave. My eyes landed on a really geeky looking guy with hair that resembled Justin Bieber’s hair and bright blue eyes that looked sad. I couldn’t help but laugh a little as I watched him look uncomfortable while looking around the room to. He seemed to be here with his sister, maybe she had known her from babysitting or summer camp. Maybe he had known her from school. I didn’t know but he looked almost out of place, he didn’t look like an asshole like the rest from her new school. He looked decent.

I quickly looked down as his eyes ran over the row where I sat opposite of him. I thought silently about the letter and the Louis guy. She had explained him at first as this guy who looked like he belonged in the freak show or something but as she got to know him he was the sweetest guy she had met. I was supposed to be set up with him at some point, she said personality wise he was what I needed but I was too in love with Jared to see that anyone else was more perfect for me than him. 

She had shown me pictures of the guy, but that was almost three months ago when she was home for a change. I thought back to the pictures she had shown me and all I could think about was the guy sitting across from me. He did look familiar for some reason, and piecing the picture together it was him. This was the guy who did everything I couldn’t, this was the guy who was the best friend she needed while I was at home worrying and being useless. 

I felt the tears begin to well up again when I thought about how she had spoken about him and about everything. She was so sad, so helpless, for so long and then she started telling me about this boy who she met at lunch one day, he had spoken to her while everyone else called her a whore and a skank because of what they had done to her. As they began talking and becoming friends she seemed to become happier, she was going back to her old self.

I could remember one conversation where she told me about him kicking some guys ass for her at the mall. She said they died laughing when they finally got out of the mall because the mall cops were too fat to catch them. She was like that, and I had missed that side of her while it was gone. The tears were now streaming down my face as I got out of my chair and straightened out my skirt. I took a deep breath and walked out of the church. I needed fresh air, or more so to stop thinking about her. This was an endless cycle of mourning and anger that I felt like I was never going to escape. 

Louis

I watched as she got up and straightened herself out. It was obvious that she wasn’t used to crying from anything, and now she was in tears. I shook my head telling Lottie that I would be right back before getting out of my seat myself. 

I had been told about Mitch endlessly, she showered me in pictures and stories and I felt like I knew her already. We were apparently a “match made in heaven” even though we’d never even met each other. We would complement each other very well according to my best friend. We were supposed to be set up on a blind date but that of course failed. I was stubborn but she always said she was more stubborn. That wasn’t true and she proved that a couple days ago when she took her own life. When she let them win.

I quickly followed the direction she had went, I felt like she wouldn’t want her best friend to be alone in a time like this. In the letter she said we would be good friend, that we would be good together and now I intended to live out her final wish. No matter what else happened I was going to at least be her friend.

“Hey Mitch!” I yelled as I went into a light jog to catch up to her. “Wait up!” I said catching up to her finally. Man this girl could walk fast for someone who’s so tiny in person. I mean I wasn’t a tall guy myself and she was around my height if not a bit shorter and she looked like she was skinny enough to be a model.

“Who are you and what do you want?” She said turning around slowly and looking completely defeated. I felt bad for her, she had known her forever, she had more right to be upset than I did and I felt like I was dying inside. Part of me felt like it was missing because she was gone and now I was back to having Stan as a friend along with Geoff. I liked having a female friend who wasn’t romantically involved with me. 

“I’m Louis, I’m assuming you read her letter so at least know a small amount about me. It wouldn’t surprise me if…” I was cut off with her throwing herself at me and sobbing into my chest. “I guess you’ve heard about me…”

“Are they here?” She shakily said as she continued latching onto me. “Are the ones who caused this here?”

“Yes,” I said rubbing her back hesitantly. This is when having four sisters came in handy, i knew how to help a girl who was used and abused by a guy. I even knew what to do when a girl was PMSing and it included not mentioning PMS to them. “Don’t worry, if it helps I can kick them out for you, they don’t belong here.” I didn’t want them here, but Lottie told me that I needed to be the mature one and let them stay.

“You don’t even know me…” She said, her shaking getting worse as we were out here. It was weirdly cold for June so I just pulled her in tighter to me. I only hoped it got better before the 10th of July, I wasn’t missing that audition for the world. My only wish was to be a singer and now that was all I had left.

“But I knew her quite well and trust me,” I said pulling away to look into her eyes. “She never shut up about you, like I mean ever. Every second sentence had your name in it I swear, I might know more about you than your boyfriend down.” She laughed at this and I mentally high fived myself. I hated seeing a girl cry, especially when I was dying inside too. “I feel like I knew you better than most people who I actually know by the end of thing. She was never happier than when she was recalling your guys’ greatest hits in full detail.”

“I know about you too,” she said with a small smile on her lips. “All she ever told me was how perfect for me you were and how we were going to end up married with 10 kids and have her to thank for it.” I laughed this time, I had heard that same story many times. She was going to be the totally awesome aunt who always told them about our crazy pasts with everyone. “She was pretty crazy wasn’t she.” She shook her head slowly.

“Maybe she wasn’t,” I said looking into her eyes. “Maybe we’re the ones who are pretty crazy, and she was the one who saw the truth in everything.” She nodded slowly lifting an eyebrow at me. The personality I had been told about seemed to be poking through again, I had thought maybe she was too far gone now.

“Maybe you’re just as crazy,” she muttered stepping away from me and wiping her face with her hands only making it worse. “I’m sorry, I should get back in there with my mom, she’ll be worrying about me if I’m gone too long.”

“Of course,” I said motioning towards the door. “Ladies first.” I shook my head slowly when she did everything but run away from where I stood. I had guessed she wasn’t going to trust me quickly but I didn’t think she would run away. 

I walked slowly back over to Lottie. “Who is that?” She asked as I sat down. “Is she your rebound girl now that the love of your life is dead and never coming back?” I rolled my eyes and didn’t respond to her as I watched Mitch walk back to her mom. She was more beautiful in person than she had been in pictures, even more out of my league than I had thought previously. She was a walking ten and I was a five at best. Her hair which was not pulled up in a sleek pony tail must’ve created a brown curtain down to her butt, and her bright green eyes changed colours when she was vulnerable and when she had her guard up. She was a few inches shorter than I was, but with heels she would probably tower over me by an inch or two to be gracious to myself. I don’t know what but I liked her, I liked the presence she gave off and how she wasn’t easy, she was just herself. She didn’t put on a facade that everything was perfect like every other girl did, she just didn’t open up to anyone.

I sighed as the church began a precession song for the priest to walk in, I rubbed my face as Lottie squeezed my other hand. I guess this was it, time for the final sets of goodbyes that I’ll ever get.

Mitch

“Yes Mrs. Callohan,” I said as her aunt kissed my forehead as I rolled my eyes into her chest. I swear we made fun of this woman more than we liked her, she was seriously crazy. I mean she was wearing freaking six inch heels to her nieces funeral. What kind of freak does that type of thing?

“May I steal Mitch for a second Lydia?” I heard a male voice say from behind me. I looked back and saw Louis wink at me. “There’s a couple people who’d like to meet her.”

“Oh course!” The aunt replied giving me one last squeeze before walking away. I looked back at Louis who simply nodded his head in a follow me way and placed his hand on my lower back to lead the way.

“Thanks for that,” I said as we walked outside the room to somewhere more private. “Who wanted to meet me?” I looked around to see who else was in the room but besides a couple of random people I recognized from my high school there was no one else here. Why would he want me to meet someone I already knew? Wouldn’t they be wondering who he was, not who I was?

“No one, I just wanted to talk to you and you were making it pretty obvious that you didn’t want to be talking to her.” He said sitting himself down on a table near where we were standing. “I mean, I can her back if you’d like to continue your conversation on her dead cats or whatever she was talking your ear off about this time.”

“Well I didn’t, so thank you.” I said shuddering at the thought of her going through the list of all her dead cats, she did that on Christmas of last year. “But does that mean I want to be talking to you?” I asked and he looked perplexed for a moment before he went back to his smile that he had all day.

“Not necessarily, but I have a question for you.” He said looking around, he seemed to become quite nervous. “Well, I mean I have a few questions for you but only one for right now.” He shoved his hands into his dress pants pockets. I smiled slightly at his discomfort, I had no idea what had gotten into him but it was really amusing.

“And what would that be?” I asked as the silence between us grew longer. It was becoming more and more awkward as the seconds passed so I looked away quickly. “Are you going to ask or are you gonna stand there is silence the rest of the night?” I asked which caused him to blush slightly. Maybe this guy was worth some of my time, he was cuter than I had thought originally both physically and mentally.

“Wanna go on a date,” He said almost too fast for me to hear. “I know this isn’t the time or place to necessarily be asking you but I think it’s what she wanted for a long while so why not give it to her now?”

“True,” I said almost forgetting where I was while he distracted me. “She did really push for me to go on a date with you.” I laughed as I remember her last attempt where I told her over my dead body as she tried to set it up. My laughter stopped when I noticed the irony of the whole situation, I was going over her dead body.

“So pick you up on Friday around six?” He asked giving me a shy smile. This boy was confusing the hell out of me, one minute he seemed more confident than anyone I had ever known and then the next he could barely look me in the eye. I decided to play with his head a bit before he got too cocky again.

“Only this once, but see you on Friday.” I said taking out my phone. He began turning around as I spoke again. “What’s your phone number?” I asked holding my phone out to him as he turned back towards me on his heel. He did seem like he belonged in a freak show or something, but the girl who thought she was too good usually ended up with the geek right? Maybe we would be a match made in heaven.

“Only once but you want my phone number?” He questioned smirking slightly at me. And there’s the cocky side I’d seen a couple times lately. Maybe that’s what mourning did to him, made him slightly bipolar with his moods.

“So I can text you my address genius…” I said rolling my eyes for good measure. I didn’t want him to know that I was almost looking forward to this date or that it meant something to me that this was going to be the closest thing I could have to a friend now that I’d lost my only real one now.

“Oh, give me your phone.” He said grabbing it gently from my hands. He took a while taking a couple selfies for what I assumed was his contact picture now. I was laughing slightly at the faces he was pulling as it went. I mean I knew he had to be somewhat amusing and definitely nice to become her best friend but I didn’t know he was actually this nice to be around.

“Thanks, I should go find her parents before I go home.” I said turning around to leave, my mom had a doctors appointment in an hour so we really had to go, it took forty minutes simply to drive from town to town. That’s why we had never even really seen each other, we were apart all the time because of that distance. “My mom’s in a bit of a rush now, promise I’m not trying to run off on you right now.” I said winking at him. “I’m not giving you a fake number either, so you better take me on a really good date tomorrow.” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you on Friday…” He muttered as I left the room, he seemed to try and hide the hope in his voice as I walked out. I couldn’t help the smile that showed up on my face as I went to look for my mom. I didn’t need a romantic relationship right now but a friend would be really nice, and I mean if it went any farther than that I couldn’t complain.


	3. Chapter 3

**Mitch**

I sighed laying down on my bed. “Mom, I quit being a girl! Look into sex change surgeries next time you’re in the hospital will you?” I was not the type of girl who freaked about dates or had much interest in a guy being in my life for more than friendship purposes but something about tonight was different. Something about tonight made me feel close to _her_ again and I wanted it to be perfect, I wanted it to work out like she had expected. I wanted everything to be perfect not for this Louis kid, but for her.

I heard laughing coming from the hallway and I looked up to see my mom standing against the doorway of my small bedroom laughing at me while drying the dish in her hand. I had insisted she let me do the dishes but she of course argued telling me she was perfectly capable of doing them herself. “This isn’t you Mitch,” she said shaking her head slightly while her eyes never left my face. Well no duh this wasn’t me, did she not think I recognized that? “You must really like this guy if getting ready is causing you this much stress.” My mom didn’t know who had asked me out, just that it happened the day of the funeral. After calming her down by saying it wasn’t the assholes that were life ruiners she was more excited that I was going out for once.

“No,” I said. I didn’t even know him, how in the world could I like him? I guess she didn’t know that I had never met him before the funeral but I feel like she wouldn’t appreciate that fact much. “I just really need a friend right now and I mean if he was that good of friends with…” I couldn’t help the tear that ran down my face. I couldn’t even think her name I don’t know why I thought I could say it out loud, it was still a raw and sore spot for me. I don’t know if I would ever recover but I knew that I could do better if I had someone else who knew how I felt.

“Hey hey,” my mom muttered pulling me up and onto her lap. She shouldn’t be exerting this much effort, her treatment made her even more weak, but I couldn’t help the comfort I felt from a moment like this. She was my only family and I rarely ever got moments like this anymore so I was going to bask in it while it lasted. “I’m just teasing you love, I’m sure he’ll be a lovely friend and if feeling develop I guess I can take over the I told you so…” I laughed at that, my mom was always trying to set me up as well and she thought any guy that _she_ recommended for me would be the perfect match. “So is this that Louis guy that she was constantly trying to set you up with?”

I groaned into her shoulder nodding slowly. “You caught me,” I said sighing when I really should be laughing. “He recognized who I was at the funeral and said we should make her last real wish complete and go on a date.” My mom was laughing again at this point. “What now?” I huffed probably sounding like a spoiled brat right now but I was extremely frustrated. 

“Well then that must’ve been an interesting conversation to have a funeral.” I let out a small laugh at that, I hadn’t really thought about how weird it was that he actually asked me out at the funeral instead of just getting my number. I was used to weird though, I lived in weird. “Now what’s so hard about being a girl right now?”

“Clothes, make up, hair, looking good for others, shall I go on?” I asked slowly climbing off of her lap and standing up fixing the towel that clung tightly to my body still. That was as far as I had gotten in this whole preparation process, showered, shaven and smelling nicer than when I first woke up this morning. I could sense her getting weaker the longer she had to help keep me up on her lap and I didn’t want to make her any worse so I gave her her distance for a little bit. “I mean, it’s a date even if I don’t want to admit it, because you know I don’t date ever, and I don’t know where we’re going or what we’re doing. How does a guy expect a girl to get ready without giving them any information to go on…”

“Okay, well then this is what we’re going to do.” She said standing up and walking over to my closet which was in a total mess from me trying to pick my own outfit. We didn’t have much money so my closet didn’t consist of a whole lot of clothes but it was enough to look like a tornado had hit my room. She threw a pair of high waisted black leggings and a cropped white vest at me. “Put these on,” she said but I just stayed standing where I was while the clothes fell to the floor in front of me. She chose an outfit that would look good on me but I didn’t know if it was too casual or not, she also had chosen an outfit combination that I hadn’t even fathomed in my head. “I talked to the boy on the phone the other day, I know what you’re doing so put that outfit on.”

“So you knew it was him the whole time? I asked looking at her dumbfounded. Of course she had it figured out who I was going with but I wish she didn’t I was never going to hear the end of it now.

“Of course I knew babe, I’m your mother. It’s my job to know.” She laughed as I leaned down to pick up the clothes on the floor before she did it herself and injured herself. “Now, get your tiny little ass into that bathroom and put on some clothes before I shove you out the door so that you go on this date naked. I’m sure he would love that, the poor boy sounded like he hasn't had a girl say yes to him in all of his life.”

I grabbed some clean underclothes from my door and made my way to the bathroom dragging my feet while I went trying to prove a point. I didn’t even bother asking her where we were going on this “date”, I knew she wouldn’t tell me anyway. My mom knew I hated surprises, especially now since the last one was the worst news of my life, but it excited her to see me become anxious trying to them out. 

I pulled the clothes onto my body lazily now being completely dry from the shower. I pulled the pants all the way up to my bellybutton and checked myself out in the mirror doing a little spin so I could see the fit from every angle. I had to admit it looked good, I was just skinny enough to pull it off without any bulge showing on the leggings and the little bit of stomach that showed wasn’t completely pale because of the couple times I had tanned this month. It was quite cute but it wasn’t overly me. The plain colours were exactly what I would choose to wear everyday of my life but the lace texture and length of the top were not my preferred style, I was more an old t-shirt kind of gal.

I walked back into my room and spun for my mother so she could see her handiwork before I tore her dreams down by telling her I wasn’t wearing it tonight or probably ever. “One problem,” I said laughing while she gave me a thumbs up and a wink checking me out as I spun a couple more times. She was not the normal mother, she wanted me to put myself more out there with my body and who I dated. She put her hand down and shot me a confused look at my statement which only caused me to laugh even harder. “What happens if I get cold? This top doesn’t really cover much.” 

She just laughed and threw my black leather jacket at me. “Don’t you worry my pretty little girl, I have you covered with that.” I pulled the jacket on and swung my arms a bit to make sure I had enough breathing room in the jacket. “Looks good chicka, I think I should choose your outfit more often.” 

“Okay, now hair and makeup?” I asked and she simply smiled and left the room leaving me alone once again. I sighed and flopped back down onto my bed staring up at my ceiling which hadn’t changed in all since I was 7 years old. The stars that I begged be put up there still shine bright every night, my mom used three months pay check to pay for them for me. I got them as my birthday present the year while my mom went without a whole lot of food for the next few months but she said making me happy was better than food. 

Tonight was either going to be awesome or go horribly, I don’t know which outcome I was rooting for at this point but I knew it was going to be one or the other no water which one I was looking forward to happening. I quickly checked my phone to see the time and any other information that may have been texted to me in the past 20 minutes but as I expected there was nothing there. He said he would be here to pick me up in 40 minutes at 6 o’clock but he could get here early for all I knew, it all really depended on the traffic between Doncaster and here which changed constantly no matter the time of day or anything. I just hoped he got here late instead, I was never going to be ready in time if he didn’t.

My mom reentered my room with hair product and a curling iron, which I had never used one before in my life. They kind of scared me more than anything, especially after that stupid video of that girl burning her hair off with too much heat being applied to it. “Now sit down of the ground so I can make you even prettier.” My mom said sounding like she was having far too much fun with this getting ready stuff. No one should be this happy about making their daughter look rapable to a guy, especially when rape is such an issue that we’ve been having around the world lately.

39 minutes later I was back in the bathroom looking in the mirror again finishing off the little makeup that I had decided to put on. My mom had curled my hair to the point it looked naturally that way then went to lay down. She had used up all the effort she could helping me get ready and I couldn’t help feeling guilty about that happening to her. I liked how by hair looked like this, it wasn’t natural and unruly like it normally was but instead it was pretty. I wouldn’t do this everyday, hell it might never happen again in my lifetime,  but I liked it as it was happening. 

I examined my eyes closely, regretting not putting any eyeliner on because I hated mascara and putting it on ever but I was happy that I didn’t have to waste 20 minutes trying to get the winged liner back on point after making one side much worse than the other eye. I did my make up for dance when I was in it so I knew how to do it quite well. I swore when I quit two years ago that I wasn’t going to put this crap on my face ever again but I guess I was breaking that promise today.

“Shit,” I muttered as I heard the doorbell ring checking my phone one more time. He was right on time like he told me he would be and I was of course running slightly late, not as late as I could’ve been though.

“I’ll get it!” My mom called out to me as I grabbed my favourite lipstick. It was a completely neutral colour but it still made my lips pop out on my face which hid every other feature that I hated. Ready or not, I guess tonight was going to happen now.

**Louis**

I moved my hair across my forehead one more time before forcing myself to ring the doorbell to her house. I had been standing on their doorstep for almost 20 minutes and I’m sure if any of her family looked out of the window they would think I was a total freak and creeper but I was just trying to calm my nerves before knocking truthfully. 

The house wasn’t much bigger than mine at home, it was actually probably smaller than ours. A one story house which seemed to have three rooms across the front from what I could tell, but I guess mine consisted of five children and my mother whereas her’s had only two people living there so it didn’t need to be as big. I only hoped she didn’t see my house ever because hers looked like it would be a lot nicer inside then where we lived, not that that set an extremely high bar to beat either.

God, what was I doing here anyway? She just said yes to be nice, she didn’t actually want to go out with me like I wanted to go out with her. I wasn’t going to lie, as the day became closer it became the only thing I had to look forward to. I didn’t have many friends at home so even if this wasn’t sealed with a kiss I would still be happy. 

God was I stupid for even asking her out at all, but especially when I did. My timing was horrible and I’’m sure Lil is cringing in her grave right now due to my stupidity, which we had always joked would happen. Mitch was upset and knew I was upset and of course she was going to say yes out of pity and being scared that I would be the next one to go off out of hurt and anger. 

I was not the quarterback who she could probably get at her school or when she finally goes off to Uni which I was sure she was actually going to me it to, I mean I’d seen her ex-boyfriend Jared and I was nothing compared to him. He was tall, muscular, athletic, and just hot in general and I was none of those things. I was this geeky looking, somewhat chubby, short guy who got nervous around girls because I don’t know how to life.

I shifted my weight onto my heels waiting for someone to answer her door which seemed to be taking a little while leaving me just standing out here. I should’ve just rang when I got here, that would’ve kept all these thoughts of doubt out of my head, or at least made them happen for less time than they were now. I was stupid though and decided to wallow in self pity before just pressing a little button. 

Maybe I was going to be stood up at her own house, I don’t know if I would be upset if she did or relieved at this point.. Lilian thought we would be perfect together; her little perfect match; but what did she really know about who was good for me, I’d never even been in a relationship before in my life and now she was positive that this extremely beautiful and experienced girl was my perfect match. I just laughed a bit hoping no one opened the door and thought I was insane at that moment. 

I hoped it was Mitch that answered the door eventually, I didn’t want her mom or dad to see my face since this was bound to go horribly and then they would be able to identify me. I seem to remember her dad wasn’t around from what I’d been told in the past and her mom knew my voice at this point from our phone call but that didn’t mean they couldn’t recognize me on the street randomly. Once they caught look of me they probably wouldn’t forget what I looked like, especially if I hurt their little girl which was not the plan at the moment but that could change by mistake. I could accidentally say or do the wrong thing and just intensify the pain that she’s already going through. Maybe I should just leave now before we get too far into this date to stop it.

I was pulled out of my thoughts of bolting it out of there when the door swung open and a sickly looking woman stood there smiling out at me. “You must be Louis!” She said moving out of the doorway. Her eyes were sunk into her skull making her look like she hadn’t slept in days, maybe even weeks, and her housecoat hung off of her body like there was barely anything to her. I smiled back at a loss of what to say, I could be confident and sure of myself over the phone but in person I didn’t know what to say. “Well why don’t you come in then? She’s just putting on her face.” I laughed at that. For looking so sick she sure spoke like she was completely full of life. I tried to remember what Lil had told me about her mom but I was coming up a blank at the moment.

“Well thank you Mrs. Fraser.” I said with a genuine smile as I stepped into the house. “I’m sure she doesn’t have to wear make up if she has half the natural beauty that you contain.” I said kissing her mothers hand hoping her husband didn’t come out and threaten to kill me for that move. I knew her actual dad was definitely gone, I remember Lil saying he left when Mitch was young, but I wasn’t sure if her mom ever remarried.

“No need to lie now son, but aren’t you the charmer.” She laughed as she pulled her hand out of mine winking at me. “I can see why Lil thought you could win over my Mitch so well.”

I did a joking bow as a form of thanks to her comment. “Well, I never lie so take it as you well,” I said looking around a little bit. There was childhood pictures of Mitch lining the entry way, I couldn’t help but smile at the ones that had Lil in them. They really were quite a pair from looking at these pictures, it looked like all they did was get into trouble together instead of anything else.”

I looked forward again when Mitch’s mother hit my ribs lightly. “Wow,” I said when I saw Mitch walk around the corner struggling to put on here slip on converse. I hoped her mother didn’t hear me but the wink she sent my way said she did. I really didn’t deserve to be going on a date with someone who could manage to look so good but I guess I got lucky this time. “Ready to go now?” I asked trying to hide how awkward I was being.

“No,” she said her voice thankfully dripping with sarcasm. If it hadn't been I might’ve believed that she didn’t want to go. “Just thought I’d actually get dressed out of my pyjamas to say hello to you in my doorway.”

He mom gave her a stern look but she didn’t have to worry, I could handle sass no problem. They didn’t call me the sass master for nothing. “Well guess I’d better go on this adventure on my lonesome, pity you won’t get to come to the zoo with me.” I knew this would get her. Lil had told me her ultimate first date and that is what I planned on taking her on.

“Zoo?” She asked her eyes widening at the possibility. I mentally high fived myself for planning the day exactly like I had been told she would love it. If I didn’t have the looks to deserve her like her mother said, maybe I can be enough of a charmer to win her over.

I just smirked shrugging my shoulders at her, slowly turning on my heels. “But I guess I’ll have to go there all on my lonesome now because you just wanted to say hi.”

My motion was stopped when a hand landed on my shoulder though. “Let’s go before I change my mind,” her voice spoke from behind me. I simply nodded and walked out the door. With her in tow, this was going to be a fun day. “So, am I allowed to know what we’re doing yet or are you going to blindfold me and keep it a surprise all day? Because honestly I don’t believe you about the zoo…”

“Well we’re going somewhere like a zoo,” I answered not wanting to give away all of my plans right away. “But first we’re going out to dinner and then dessert and then your surprise will come at the end of the night.” 

“Oh great, just what I want to hear. The words end and surprise in the same sentence, must you try and torture me?” She huffed and all I could was laugh as I opened the car door for her. “And please tell me your not one of those drivers that I’m going to fear for my life with… I already grew up with one of those.”

“No,” I said shutting the door and walking to the drivers side. “I’ve only been in one or two accidents in my lifetime,” I said while pulling away. I could see her roll her eyes as I pulled away from the driveway, I only hoped this went well.

**Mitch**

So he took me to my favourite restaurant which I don’t know if he knew that already but I was in food heaven and then he took me to a random ice cream shack that I’d never even heard of before but man was it delicious. I don’t know much about this guy but he was funny and nice and confident without being cocky and pretty much everything Jared was not. It was really nice just talking to him and watching him as he told stories from his childhood and high school, he got so into it that it was cute. 

“So, it’s almost nine so I’m assuming no zoo for us?” I asked knowing after dinner the zoo would be too good to be true. I absolutely loved animals, more specifically the aquatic kind like sting rays and otters, but as a kid I always loved going to the zoo. It was my happy place when my mom first got sick or when she moved.

“Not exactly the zoo but we’re here,” he said putting his car into park.

“Where is here exactly?”

“Come on and I’ll show you.” All the lights in the building we were at were out and I didn’t really know how much I trusted this boy right now, either way I swallowed my pride and followed him towards the entrance. As we got closer I read “Matlock Bath Aquariam” in big colourful letters meant to excite kids. If what we were about to of wasn’t illegal I would be ecstatic right about now.

“This is cool and all but I kind of promised my mom she would never have to bail me out of jail so I think I’m going to have to bail out of this adventure right about now,” he simply looked at me for a minute processing what I had just said. After a couple more moments of silence he started laughing.

“Come on, do you trust me?”

“Not at all…”

“Do you trust Lillian’s judgement?” I stopped in my tracks, what was he playing at right now? Of course I trusted my best friends judgement, well at least I thought I did until she ended up 6 feet under while I was sat at home doing nothing but be sad. Hearing her name be said out loud I couldn’t help but cringe. He noticed my change and held out his hand. “She trusted me, that must mean something, right?”

I nodded grabbing his hand and letting him pull me towards the entrance. I was expecting him to kick in the glass or something to break in but instead he just pulled out a key from his wallet and put it into the keyhole. I just shook my head while taking his hand back into mine, he gave me a shy smile while he intertwined his fingers with mine and led me into the building. I know I was growing attached far too quickly but not many people understood what I was going through or would be able to take me on a near perfect date after not knowing me very well. 

“So,” he said turning to face me his thumb subconsciously rubbing the back of my hand in a soothing manner. “What’s your favourite animal?”

I raised my eyebrow at him at his question. “Well, I really really like dolphins and turtles but sharks probably take the cake for me. Their just so cool you know, their like the gentle giants of the ocean.”

He raised his eyebrow at me this time. “Gentle giants?”

“Yeah, their not as violent as you think…” I said as he started pulling me down a dark hallway that I had no idea where they led. “Like I know if I’m bleeding their going to kill me but if not we’ll live in peace, you on the other hand, you could be leading me to my death right now and I wouldn’t even know it.”

He suddenly stopped causing me to slam into his back. “What the hell?” I asked rubbing my forehead which had hit a bone in his shoulder. “What are you doing?”

“Turtles.” He simply said flipping a switch which illuminated the room we were in. It was like a green house only instead of plants, though there were some growing around the room, it was meant for the turtles that were swimming in front of me. It was awesome, there were mothers, fathers, small ones, big ones, tadpoles. It was literally like heaven for a turtle lover much like myself. I let go of his hand and moved closer to the tank that they were held in. “Wanna hold one?” He asked as I felt his hand snake around my waist.

“Can I?” I asked as he laughed and went to pick one of the smaller ones up. 

“Hello Fred,” he said to the turtle as he handed it over to me. It was extremely cute as far as turtles go but I was just happy to be holding one for the first time in my life. I looked up at Louis who was now examining me as I held the turtle. “You really should smile more,” he said causing me to scrunch up my eyebrows. “And get confused more often.”

“Why?” I asked shaking my head slightly and handing Fred back over to him. I loved holding that turtle, don’t get me wrong, but I wanted to know what else there was in this place. There had to be more animals that I could venture with.

“Because when you smile it’s like the whole world becomes a brighter place, the happiness that comes off of you is intoxicating. And your just adorable when your confused.” He said grabbing my hand again. “Ready to go to our last stop on this adventure?” I nodded and allowed him to pull me out of this room turning the lights off as we left. He winked back at me before beginning to run down the hall causing me to laugh and chase him.

We ran for almost 15 minutes before he stopped in front of what seemed to be a simple glass wall but once again when he turned the light on. All I could see was a bunch of sharks swimming around. “How did you get us in here?” I said turning to look at him once again to find him watching me closely.

“I used to come here all the time when I was younger, my grandmother would take me here before her got sick. She’s still sick but it’s was much more soothing when she could take me than when I went alone. I know the owner really well though and I asked him for a favour to have the key for tonight, he said as long as I didn’t ruin anything.”

“Ohh,” is all I could say as I looked into his eyes. I was at a loss of any other movement as I tried to figure him our, he seemed so confident and collected but I couldn’t help but feel that there was more to him. I think it’s just the loneliness and so called depression talking but I couldn’t help wanting to get to know him better.

“I really want to kiss you,” Louis said almost not loud enough for me to hear as he stared back into my eyes.

“I really want you to kiss me too,” I responded waiting to see if he would make any move now that we both admitted secrets. He slowly leaned in as I closed my eyes. The moment was more perfect than I could’ve ever hoped, the lighting was dim but not too dark, and the butterflies in my stomach fluttered instantly when I felt his hand grab the back of my neck. My life had never felt this put together in a long time. 


	4. Chapter 4

I rolled over and slammed my hand down on my alarm clock that I’d had since I was five, I swear my mom had it before that since she was probably about twenty and she wasn’t young. I was awake now whether my alarm decided to ring or not though, which was what always happened when I had to work on the weekends especially when I still had school. I have to get up at 5 a.m. any morning that I work to shower, do my hair and makeup, drive an hour to my workplace, and then just drink a shit ton of coffee to try and get myself awake for the rest of the day to deal with all of the residents. I wasn’t necessarily complaining because it distracted me for 8 hours a day but it would be nice to sleep in until 2 in the afternoon as well.

I thought back to the previous weekend, Friday night was the absolute best date I think I’ve ever been on and I hate to admit it but she might’ve been right, I might actually see myself falling for this guy at some point. I mean, my definition of falling for a guy anyway. I never saw myself relying on anyone else, he would never be my world like most girls thought love had to be like but his company seemed like it would be enjoyable enough.

He seemed to know exactly where to take me though and exactly what to say. I didn’t know how much of that was her and how much was actually him but I didn’t really care to know, it was sweet either way and I had a blast. Even if nothing happened between us I knew he would be a great friend to have, I would have to forget the fireworks I felt when he kissed me though. That may not be an easy feat.

I knew I had to shower now if I wanted to get to work on time considering it was already quarter after five so I dragged myself to the bathroom and began to strip my clothes off. I was always tempted to chop my long brown hair off because of the nuisance it was to wash but now I was happy that I got to put it up into a bun when I got out. It made waking up in the morning even harder on me because I had to figure out what to do with it. The shower didn’t take very long because I didn’t bother shaving, that’s what pantyhose are for right? Here it was never all too warm so I was in the safe there. 

When I got out I quickly went to get dressed back in my room before I got too cold with just a towel wrapped around my body. Normally I wouldn’t care because it was warm in the house but being this early in the morning that was not the case sadly. I was careful as always not to wake my mom up because god knows she needs her rest especially since she’s about to start another round of chemo this week and it might take more effort than she needed.

I looked at my neatly done up hair and bronze eye make up that made my emerald green eyes pop before applying a thin layer of nude coloured lipstick. I liked to go natural with my make up because I was required to wear some for my job but I hated wearing it. I was told it made us look more presentable. 

I was satisfied enough in the small amount of time I had to actually do my make up and quickly made my way to work. Thankfully it was warmer outside than in was in my house, the atmosphere must’ve finally decided it was going to wake up for the day. My car was old and probably going to break down soon; I was surprised it hadn’t already truthfully; but it got me where I needed to go and was relatively cheap when I bought it before I actually knew for sure that I got my job.

When I arrived at work I quickly grabbed a cup of coffee before making my way to the break room which is where we went before our shifts actually started. If I was going to face today I needed caffeine in me as soon as physically possible. I sat down smiling over at my coworker and manager who both just looked at each other and back at me with extremely blank expressions on their faces.

“What?” I asked my manager as he examined my every move just like he had been ever since the incident occurred two and a half weeks ago, but this time he didn’t seem to be doing it out of pity but admiration in stead. I didn’t want him putting me, every time he looked at me with pity in his eyes I started to unravel all over again. “Are you seriously still trying to see if I’m going to go through a psychotic break and kill somebody or something? Because I can guarantee you that it won’t be here unless you don’t stop looking at me like that than you may be the perfect target if I do.”

“No, you just seem overly happy today. Well happy for you which is still pretty pissed off but pissed off with a smirk instead of a scowl, never a full smile though.” He said in his thick french accent which usually pissed me off to no end but I had king of missed it lately. I worked in the only five star hotel around where I live and as I said it’s an hour drive from my house, but it’s worth it in the end because of my pay check. I make more than any high school student will see until their well into university.

“Yeah,” my coworker Elena agreed with him and I just rolled my eyes at the pain. She was my age and we’d been working here around the same amount of time, her about two weeks longer when they thought they only needed one. As far as female friends went for me right now she was definitely my closest friend, mostly because she knew everything about me from our red eye shifts that we hated to share but where we were too tired to hide anything from each other by half way through.

“Well, I guess I won’t scare off any guests now will I?” I said not even laughing because we both knew I was being partially serious in that statement. We worked at the front desk of the hotel because we were young and attractive and though there’s barely been any complaints about me and my attitude, if someone got on my bad side it was only a matter of time until I break and try and kill one of the residents, we both knew it was a matter of time before they started coming. I wasn’t mean, but sometimes I wasn’t the happiest camper per say.

“You better not start scaring off the customers, you’re actually one of the best at your job, sorry El, I can’t afford to fire you because you finally break, and I’m sorry Elena but you could not do this without her.” Elena only shrugged as I laughed. I might have a temper at times but Elena was terrified of making someone upset so couldn’t say no. She was much too sweet for her own good so we evened each other out. “How’re you doing by the way, after everything that’s been happening?” I knew this question was going to come up at some point today, this was the first weekend since the incident that I was here for my full shifts instead of a couple hours here and there and I knew they’d be curious.

I sighed hating that it came up now, I was on such a buzz for the second time since she died and of course he had to go kill it after about three hours of it beginning. Maybe I could text Louis later to see if he wanted to do something again to take my mind off of everything again, it worked really well last time. I couldn’t use him like that, it wasn’t fair to him or to me but who said we weren’t going to be friends too. School ended in five days and I was graduating after that and then it was July in 10 days, and I needed a friend before summer came around or I would spend it all alone trying to physically hold myself together.

“Well I’m here aren’t I?” I asked looking in the mirror one last time before I had to go and actually do work. My response probably wasn’t ideal to him but I mean at least it was a response, I could’ve just told him to fuck right off like I wanted to. “Well I’m dying inside because of her, but I met a boy.” I can’t believe I just admitted that to anyone, especially my manager who could hold it against me and Elena who I had to work with for the next 8 hours. “He was her friend too from her new school and it’s nice having someone to talk to who really understands what I’m feeling right now unlike you assholes.”

“Well, I wanna hear more about him!” Elena squealed as I groaned, I thought my snarky comments would make her back off but obviously not. She was going to ask a million different questions and I didn’t know if I wanted to answer them for her right now or ever really. I put on my best fake smile though and walked out to the front desk where I would be for the remainder of my workday. Phones weren’t allowed and it was only 8:00 on a Saturday morning so I decided to call Louis when I got off work for a break in a couple hours. At least then he might actually be awake unlike right now which I had no doubt he would be sleeping.

 

I had been working straight for 5 hours when I finally got to the break room for my first break of the day, which was supposed to happen three hours earlier than now. I pulled my phone out of my purse and looked quickly for Louis’ number in my not so long list of contacts. I only had ten minutes for break time and it was packed in there today with relatives up for graduations so I didn’t want to leave Elena out there alone for too long but I needed a break and I needed to see if he could hang out and so I didn’t end up killing one of the residents who kept coming to ask us stupid questions.

I clicked the call button, yes clicked not tapped it. I didn’t have any fancy smart phone or anything stupid like that, it was a simple flip phone, it was just what I needed to contact everyone, who were pretty much only my mom and I guess Louis now.

I sighed putting my phone up to my ear and listening to it ring slowly. “Mitch? Hey!” I heard an out of breath Louis say on the other end of the line after like five rings. Maybe I had called at a bad time, the worst started going through my head. What if he was with another girl? What if he really just didn’t want to talk to me? I was so stupid.

“Hey Louis,” I said silently cursing myself for not just texting him, why did I have to call? I really didn’t know how to do this boy thing, let alone this friend thing. “Did I call at a bad time?” I asked scared of the answer but knowing I needed to know it at least.

“Well, I just got off the field from football practice,” he said and I mentally sighed, he was athletic too. He’d been at football practice which meant he wasn’t just sleeping with someone or running from a gun or anything so my mind was just going way too crazy “So I guess you picked the perfect moment to call in reality, I mean talking to you is like my second favourite thing to do behind football. Everything alright with you?” My heart fluttering in my chest at his comment, I know it shouldn’t have but I was so empty that I couldn’t help it. The attention he was giving me was just what I thought I need to feel complete again.

“Yeah, everything is great,” I lied as I felt the darkness start to take over as I thought about how things were going for me lately and exactly why I needed him in my life. I urged myself to start to ignore it but it was really hard to ignore every time it crept up on me and I was terrified that one day it just stay there. “Are you free sometime this weekend?” I bit my lips hoping that he said something sweet again to ease my mind from being terrified and taken over.

“Yeah, now that practice is over I’m free the rest of the weekend.” Louis laughed sounding like he had finally gotten a grip on his breathing pattern which was probably good. “Why? Miss me or something?” He joked and I rolled my eyes but my heart still managed to flutter a little bit again. It made so much sense that they were friends now, they had the same humour and air about them.

“Wanna go to the beach with me?” I said right out hoping he didn’t think it was too blunt but not really caring if he did think that.

“I’d love to, can’t wait.” He said. “Want to do this afternoon? I can pick you up in like three hours and we can head over to one near you or we could meet halfway. Unless you can wait even longer to see my face than I can to see yours.” I blushed even though he couldn’t see me through the phone. He was quite the charmer.

“Do you mind doing tomorrow afternoon? Unless you’re willing to make an evening trip out of it because I work right now for another three hours and then I have to drive home and get changed and everything.” I mentally slapped myself, I was so difficult to make plans with I don’t even know why I tried anymore. There was a reason that I didn’t really have many friends that liked to hang out with me.

“How about we make it a bonfire date then?” I smiled at that option, most people just got frustrated when I asked to modify what they wanted to do. He wasn’t most people though, I’d known that from the beginning when he seemed me out to make sure I was okay at the funeral. “I’ll pick you up around six o’clock, we can go get food and supplies and then go find a nice spot on the beach?”

“Sounds great, thanks Lou,” I said with a smile. 

“No need to thank me love, your company isn’t so bad. I was hoping you would want to hang out again soon truthfully.” He said and I couldn’t help when the smile grew on my face. “But I mean, it’ll be a sin missing you in a bikini.” A blush was soon spread across my cheeks again from his comment.

“Well I’m glad I can help you with that,” I laughed into the phone. “Well I should really get back to work so I’ll see you tonight then.” I sighed looking at the clock up on the wall. I really just wanted today’s shift to be over. The distraction was heavenly but it had been such a long day and I was naturally extremely tiring so working this long was not helping my case at all, maybe a night out with Louis was exactly what I needed to just destress a little bit.

“See you tonight love.” I grinned as I hung up the phone. Only three more hours, and if I could make it through that I could make it though anything.


End file.
